The Chronicles of Uncle Scamurudeen

At the start of my blog, I created three segments and the “Irewole’s Diary” part was made purely for gist because if we’re all being honest, everyone has a little narcissist inside of us who goes “lemme tell these guys something about myself for no reason whatsoever”. Sadly, being the boring introvert that I am, nothing ever really happens to me except that I recently got nominated as the best blogger of the year. Last time I experienced something actually exciting was when the suya guy in my area gave me one extra piece of meat. It was three months ago.

However, yesterday, I witnessed a guy almost get mobbed by a crowd of guys he was trying to scam, including myself. Before I start sharing this gist with you though, I want to take a few minutes to talk to you about your future and the importance of keeping your dreams alive to achieve your purpose on this earth.

But because I don’t want to die at the hands of a mob, seeing as someone here might know where I live, I’ll just go ahead with the gist… after you click the link below to vote me as the blogger of the year.

Click here to vote me as blogger of the year. (Update: I won!!!)

So, I was sitting at home, minding my own business one cold evening when my friend texted me and told me that there was a job opening for student ambassadorship at a bank. Keep in mind that this friend wasn’t involved in the scam. She was a victim. Anyway, she yarned this and yarned that but I wasn’t really paying attention ‘cause I was just wondering how else I could get the suya guy to give me extra meat again. Perhaps a kiss on the cheek?

We went through the entire process and it involved dropping #1000 to have ATM cards printed after opening the account for easy transactions. I sha dropped the money and then they sent me one “mEmOrAnDuM oF aGrEeMeNt” like that. As soon as I saw it, I saw a couple of red flags because I personally could’ve typed that thing myself and done it better. There was no header and no place for signatures. Just a line for your name made out of fullstops. I asked to speak with the representative before signing anything.

We met a week later and my gee (who we would now refer to as uncle Scamurudeen) was wearing a suit with a personal assistant standing next to him. He didn’t even notice us when we came in and he just concentrated on his jotter, looking busy while his P.A. stood there. The meeting started and asides his accent that made “campuses” sound like “campussies”, he actually seemed relatively convincing. I wanted to ask him who tf wrote that document and get cleared on all the red flags but I didn’t want to lose my chances of getting the ambassadorship because we were looking at a sexy amount of zeroes here.

I swear, I’m not materialistic. I don’t even like money at all.

Asides that, in all honesty, he was relatively convincing with his talks about structural arrangement and how we need to learn to work in a large organization. So, he gave us our first task which was to hire more brand ambassadors. They were to be ten in number and we would collect 1k from them. Keep in mind that there were ten of us hiring ten other people.

I ignored all the red flags and went ahead to go and start getting people to sign-up. In a day, I got about seventeen people who said they were interested with referrals too.

And that is why I am officially starting a new career as a whatsapp influencer

A week later, I had my ten forms and 10k and I went for the meeting. I missed class for this walking, talking, breathing scam. Chai!

See Also: The “H” in University

Anyway, we went for the meeting and I saw plenty people there. At first, I was even scared already because uncle Scamurudeen was looking strict and angry that I came late with my friend but the first thing I noticed was that he was wearing the same suit from last week, complete with the same white shirt that looked unwashed but who am I to judge? Some people wear the same boxers/bra for at least three days.

We sat down and just as he was about addressing us, one guy amongst us got restless. He was challenged by uncle Scamurudeen but he complained that he just had a headache. Uncle Scamurudeen kept addressing us and he even told us to jot down what he wanted to say but before he could even finish, the restless guy stood up again and asked him to show a means of identification with the bank he said he works with and from there, we do not know how the water enter the coconurt.

Uncle Scamurudeen when he was challenged.

Uncle Scamurudeen started sweating and was trying to control the crowd that was fast ganging up against him. First of all, marlians don’t even wear suits. We called the bank marketer and manager and both of them said that they simply told him to get students interested in signing up. There is no brand ambassadorship job and you don’t need to drop 1k for anything but this guy was still trying to prove smart. Things started getting violent and as the brave and incredibly courageous guy that I am who never shies away from danger, I stepped back and watched from a distance.

But now that I think about it…

Long story short, we took him to the school security station. At that point, I was tired and couldn’t even follow them anymore. I just tore out my name and friends’ names from his jotter. So, if you happened to sign up with me, I am completely sorry for what happened. Your money is still 100% intact and would be refunded. However, there is no job. If I do see any opportunity again in future, I would be sure to let you know.

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To all of you perpetrating these evil acts, Africa is watching. BBC is watching. We are watching! Just don’t forget to vote me as blogger of the year!

Also, this is my last article for this month as I’ll be starting exams next week. I should be back in the middle of November or at the end of that month (worst case scenario). I friggin’ love you!!!

But before I go…

  • Did you enjoy the gist?
  • Who wants to be my study buddy for exams biko? I don’t care if you’re not in UNILAG. Just call me when it’s time to read because I’ve been having a lotta sweet dreams lately.
  • Have you ever been scammed before? Gimme the gist!!!

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And to think I almost signed up for Mr Scamurudeen’s student ambassadorship. I wonder what stopped me that day – perhaps it was laziness to fill forms or the drowsiness in my eyes that day.


Lol oga o


Don’t think I’ve been scheduled before. But I laughing MMM part two.