**walks in smiling awkwardly
Hey there. It’s me again. You know how I always drop blog posts for you consistently at the end of every week so you can unwind? You also know how I have never missed a single posting date? Yeah. I’m here again… like always. For some weird reason, the blog posts I uploaded for the last three weeks since “like I never left” disappeared into nothingness. I wonder why that happened.
Oh well. I guess there really is only one choice now. We just have to move on. A new year has begun and we really cannot let ourselves hang unnecessarily to old things. I know you can’t really answer this but what did 2019 teach you? I saw a lot of people on Twitter posting about how 2019 was their hardest year and how 2020 would absolutely be the best.Most of them looked exactly like this.
Are you one of those people? I don’t think I am though. I certainly had my fair share of challenges last year but was it really my worst year? I really don’t know. I started out as a 200L student. For some reason, ASUU thought it was cool to end the strike and I had to resume school eventually.
When I did, I found out that the place I’d paid for to live off campus was still going through puberty. It was not nearly mature enough to accommodate anyone regardless of their size. As such, my life as a refugee began. It was the very first time I jumped over a fence because the person who had the keys to my temporary place was way older than I am and for some reason was still asleep every single time. I hated every minute of it.
The temporary place I was asked to live was mostly for boys. There were more than ten boys sharing two toilets. That would have been fine if water supply was good. Alas, it was poorer than my test results in like I never left. They used to do what one of my friends would call shit sandwich. Someone takes a crap, wipes his ass with tissue and uses a layer of tissue to cover it. Another person comes and repeats the process. In a manner of speaking, it was sort of artistic and graceful. Like an eighty year old drunk man falling on his ass.
My temporary room had no fan or working air conditioner. For some reason, Lagos is hotter than all the girls reading this combined. There was never enough water to afford more than the luxury of my morning bath. So, I sat there every night, telling my parents I was fine and my shit which was too scared to come out of me that it was fine as well.
Apart from that, there were a ton of other jabs 2019 threw my way. I was relieved of my first job or as I’d like to put it, won sack mi danudanu. It was my only source of income at the time and I was wondering how I would do my Baby Boy lifestyle if I couldn’t afford more than one bag of water every two weeks without bribing my dad with crocodile tears on the phone. I am not telling you all this to be a depressing human crap but I want you to understand something.
You might think I have/had it well in 2019 and you might even be thinking I’m a handsome, baller with absolutely no worries. Well, you’re half right. I am very handsome but I do not lack my own worries, challenges and failures. Comparing yourself would really not do much good because well… nobody really has anything going perfectly.
Except this dog… This dog is happier than your last relationship.
Having stated all my failures and challenges, I think it is also worthy of note that in that same year, about seven months later, I got about six different job offers. Well, eight if you consider the two whose interviews I didn’t attend.
My accommodation issues were sorted out and things went as they should. I can’t say for sure that this or that is what 2019 taught me but I can say that I’m very handsome. So sweetheart, my gee, mummies and daddies, humans and marlians, if you are reading this, happy New Year. I’m glad you spent this much time going through all these weird paragraphs. I hope you come back. I love you and mafo respectively.
In conclusionIf you ask me what exactly I just wrote in this article, to be honest, I’m not quite sure. I think at some point I talked a lot about poop but I’m really not that sure. All I know is that I promised myself I would write sixteen blog posts in eight days and this is the first. Also, drinking three full bottles of vodka alone is not only sad, it reflects in your writing too. I do hope you learnt something though.
Before I leave…
- Did you imagine me drunk after reading the second to the last sentence?
- Did you enjoy the article?
- What did 2019 teach you?
- What are your 2020 goals or are you just roughing it?
- Why are you a Marlian? Is that what your daddy sent you to school for?