Like I Never Left

Several years ago, I took the biggest action to back up one of the largest decisions of my entire lifetime. I pooled my money and other resources together. I prayed to God about it and I was still quite terrified even afterward. With sweaty palms and shaky hands, I created Irewole’s Blog. Three years later, I became more successful and got closer and closer to being the world’s richest man. I got married and had two beautiful kids. People like Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos started getting jealous but I couldn’t be happier.

I finally had everything I wanted. My adoring fans, my wife, my kids and all the money you could ask for. However, it all became so overwhelming and I had to take a break. I just had to. All work and no play makes Irewole a dull boy man right? Well, after fourteen years of absence, I’m finally back and I’m ready to take y’all by surprise.

#DropsBlunt

Now that we’re done with the reunion, I’m sure you all must have missed me. Either that or you spent your entire internet allowance on those sites that your Sunday School teacher preaches against.

That’s right… I know what you’ve been doing with your data

Regardless of whether or not you missed me, I’m back now and I am here to stay, unlike your innocence. I want to say I didn’t plan to stay this long but honestly, I kind of did. Forget the bants of the first paragraph. I really needed a break. I have spent the last eleven months building myself academically, socially, financially, etc. and in case you don’t know, that crap will drain you more than MTN internet subscription plans.

Me all day everyday for the last three months.

That’s why I stayed away for so long and I’m kinda glad to be back? I guess I would be 0783103679 percent happier if I was at FirstBank and they just called out Oluwasegun Joshua Oyebode. However, for now, I’m just happy to be back.

However, with all my career building and everything everything, I didn’t fail to pick up a few lessons along the way. These, however, are not lessons that I learnt from the entire year. These are lessons that I learnt specifically from being a 200lvl student. Without further ado, check this (insert cuss word) out:

1. The deeper you go, the harder it gets

If you thought of anything besides going deeper into the ocean of the university or climbing higher on the ladder of life, you need to have your heart cleansed. However, this part is pretty self-explanatory. As a freshman, compared to secondary school, I thought things were difficult. I mean, deez niggaz asked us to sell newspapers under ridiculously hot sun in Unilag. Ironically, the paper was named Unilag Sun.

I thought I was going to break under all the stress and I think I can even say that I lost quite a bit of weight. One of the most trying times was even when I was preparing for my second semester exams. See, my first semester exams were a series of gbasses and gbosses and as such, I had to step up my game. I thought things were hard then until I got into my second year.

In year two, my course then required me to get news from different parts of school and that would mean visiting those places to do amebo basically. This was tasking because I once witnessed a guy suffering from the effects drug abuse and screaming his lungs out. When that happened, I literally took my shoes off at the door, locked it, laid down on my bed and gisting with my neighbour who came to charge his laptop.

If I don’t care what happens in my own house, why should I care about someone who farted in his hands and sniffed it in a completely different faculty than mine in school? Crazy stuffs man.

This wasn’t even the worst part because in my second semester, I had to complete almost fifteen assignments in the space of one month. It was like my body wasn’t fuelled by food anymore, just stress. I was walking around looking like the Ghost of University Past. If you get the reference, text me and let’s be friends please. (+2349033587430)

2. Your Crush Doesn’t Like You

There was this fine babe that I liked. Omo mehn, the babe fine, no be small. She had this ridiculously cute name too. Five letters, two syllables and straight to the point.

Dammit! I liked her sha. After being deeply rooted in the Yoruba Demons Association and then, the God When Organization, I finally fell for someone. It wasn’t sexy falling where you land with your legs closed o. It was the kind where your knees go over your shoulders and it kinda looks like you’re giving yourself head.

*breaks down in tears and is unable to write third paragraph*

Long story short, the babe didn’t feel the same way. She didn’t like me back. She liked another guy. I became cruise for someone’s daughter. A whole me! Irewole One of Irewole Kingdom! Damn it!! D.A.M.N I.T!!! Anyway, we move. The Lord God would continue to bless the works of our hands.

3. You Really Don’t Know Anything

You might think that you do but in all honesty, you really don’t. Apart from writing, I have an interest in marketing and public relations. Always gives me a thrill being the line that connect dots that are people. So, last semester, I decided to take a new course related to my interests. Odikwa very risky but I thought, “if God be for us, who can be against us?” The course was a perfect fusion of writing and public relations.

Things seemed pretty easy until exam period came and we had to study for exams. The lecturer then brought this material that contained topics stranger than sex to me. I challenged myself and read as much as I could assimilate. Thankfully, the questions were pretty easy. I only had to choose which one was the easiest to answer. For one, I could only list four out of about seven points and the other was an essay. I thought “ahnahn, I’m a professional content creator. This essay is in the bag.” I went for it and I wrote like nobody’s business. Results came out and it ended worse than your last three relationships combined. I scored a two… over twenty. What hurts is how you guys say I know how to write. Gaddem liarzzz!

I later found out anyway that people hardly passed the essay part because of the lecturer who marked that aspect so yeah… I’m not a dumbass.


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In conclusion

Do I have to conclude? Can’t I say in Jesus name we have prayed and walk away? Why do you want a conclusion? Because your ex left you in the relationship and moved on without you?

Anyway, I would be an idiot not to thank you for the latest thing you did for me besides reading my blog. In my last post, I asked that you vote me as Blogger of the Year. Well, I won the award. Thanks so much for voting for me. Thank you for reading. And finally, no thanks for not sending me money. I love you more than you love your crush who doesn’t like you back!

Anyway, before I leave…

  • Seriously, did you miss me?
  • What do you think of my returning article?
  • What has school taught you this year?
  • What are your plans for Christmas?
  • How far your Detty December? Is it actually detty or is it cleaner than the plates mummy and daddy have been asking you to wash since Dec. 1st?
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Queeneth
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Queeneth

Lol I definitely missed Irewole’s Blog. I was smiling like an idiot while reading the article😂
As per what school taught me this year ehn, smh. School taught me that my health (physical and mental health combined) is more important that school itself.

Andrea
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Andrea

School taught me a lot about different aspects of life. The most important lesson I got was to always improve yourself and expect the unexpected.

Faith
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Faith

Yayyyyyyyy
Welcome back Irewole.
I missed you but I guess Tejiri missed you more.

Why do I feel like the name of your crush would be ‘nne’ if the 2nd and 4th letters were removed?
May your result rest in perfect peace.

I learnt so much this year. So much that I can only remember so little.
I equally have so many plans for December. I’ll execute none I’m sure.

Merry Christmas btw.

Tari
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I don’t even know where to start from. Last semester stressed my lifen

Isabel
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Isabel

Remember where i missed thirty marks in a three unit course because i saw answer 4 out of five and i answered all but the compulsory one? 😄 Hot tears my dear. I had E. 3units!! Its good to have you back. You go dey alright.💜💕

Angelica
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Angelica

You never disappoint 😭🔥

Bee
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Bee

It’s nice

Jola
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Jola

Guyyyy last semester ended in tears for me too😹😹

Man Named Helios🌞🌞
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Man Named Helios🌞🌞

Irewole my guy

Mehn I dunno what to say other than that you made my day. Kudos man

Nita
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Nita

I laughed all through the post 😂💙
School showed me wen(you know this sound🌚)
Came out stronger and yes I do not anticipate selling Unilag sun 😭😭

Brownie Vocal
Guest

How did you get 2/20 guy?😂😂💔

Ifunanya
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Ifunanya

Yesss….I missed you more than a drug addict misses crack.
Your returning article was good especially the part where you no subduely dropped your account details.
School has taught me that last last results are on God.
Plans for Christmas? Ha
And my Christmas is as clean a freshly washed plate…..

Coco
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Coco

I missed you😪… personally I know I’m getting my grades because of laziness… After 200Lvl First semester’s results killed me, I had to sit up and my results were slightly better 2nd Semester… UNILAG has taught me not to be lazy again(academically sha)

BTW There’s no Fetty December for me😪😪
So sad

Todaforlife
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Todaforlife

I like this 🔥

Lola
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Lola

Last semester was very hummmn,idk I’m still pained. My December is not detty at all o,I was beginning to feel bad about t until I heard the gist of Native Land.. Hehehe😂. All I can say is Introverts 1-0 Detty December

Eunice
Guest

I’m actually glad you are back… Yay! Grateful for your growth too over the past months… It’s definitely going to pay off. Sorry about your results and your crush 😂😂😂😂 we locomote!!!
This article made me laugh.

Ozemoka Halima
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Ozemoka Halima

It’s very painful when your crush doesn’t like you. It is well. We move. Welcome back btw!

My December is very clean right now. I feel they soaked it inside Hypo. There’s nothing detty about it at all.

Anoneemuz
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Anoneemuz

Okay I missed you honestly. I’m sorry your crush used you to cruise, she’s going to regret it now, seeing as Jeff bezos is extremely jealous of your success