God When?

Just after last week’s post which turned out to be relatively emotional for me, I went online (right after sleeping like a hungry person) and spoke with one of my friends. We spoke about how I got complimented by two girls I had not met before and she agreed with them. Afterwards, I went ahead to ask her why I am so overbearingly single and today’s topic was born.

Now, for some reason, in the mind of an African parent, when a child gets into a relationship, one or both of two things can happen, especially with girls. You would start kissing, you would have sex, you would get pregnant or get her pregnant, your education would be over and your life would be ruined and one day while you are arguing with the driver for your money because you are the bus conductor, you would wish that you never had sex with that fine girl. Either that or you will get initiated into a secret cult afterwards and then you would never succeed in life again.

So, if somehow, you made the mistake asking your parents for relationship advice while growing up, I can bet that their reaction was a little something like this.

In spite of all of that though, we are mostly adults now and we can’t escape relationships. Unfortunately, for some reason, it feels like everyone is in a relationship and everyone who isn’t does not want to date you and to make matters worse, WHO has even said that if you can’t find yourself a partner, you are disabled.

So, if you are like me and “God When” has become your catchphrase, here are possible reasons you still haven’t gotten into a relationship:

1. You have nothing to offer

You know where I am going with this right? I mean, yeah, you have a pretty face, your eyes look like something from out of Vogue magazine, your skin looks like it’s in a competition with the sun and your smile can make even an iron sponge loosen up but besides that, there really is not much else to you.

You have no goals or ambitions besides “you want to make money and live your best life”, you have no means of holding a conversation, you are quite literally boring and whenever a potential partner talks to you, they see no reason to continue the conversation. Some of them might even want to continue but there is no substance to base the ensuing conversation off of.

2. You cannot gbe body e

Also me when my friends say we should go out.

This one applies mostly to the introverts and the lazy people. If you fall into one of both of these categories, I presume your weekend typically starts with you sleeping in until late in the morning or even the afternoon. Afterwards, you’ll wake up and then stay on your bed, texting and ignoring texts for the rest of the morning until the middle of your bed sinks in and you don’t feel comfortable anymore. Afterwards, you’ll brush your teeth but this isn’t really necessary and then you’ll go and hustle some food to eat. This may or may not be your main meal. The rest of the day goes like that until it’s 9pm and you’re sleeping for the third time that Saturday.

This is all well and good. Everyone needs to chill every now and then but the problem is that that fine boy you want, that six feet guy with rock hard abs, an amazing personality and a well paying job won’t leave his house early in the morning to come and be looking for you. That fine girl that is “endowed” won’t leave her beans on fire in the morning to come and meet you in your boxers that you’ve not washed since last week. You can’t find the person of your dreams if all you do is sit on your lazy butt and refuse to go out every single time. Experience life a little, meet new people.

3. You’re Trying too Hard

Like this guy who looks like he’s trying to hold in a fart.

Scientifically speaking, what we call love is essentially just a chemical reaction in our brain that occurs when we see someone or make contact with them causing us to “fall in love with the person”. The release of that hormone makes us feel what we call attraction and with attraction comes the desire to mate and when that happens, we secure the continuation of the human species. This isn’t one hundred percent accurate but you get the point anyway.
What we call love isn’t extremely special as such and when you start trying so so hard to get it, you”ll be betraying the purpose.

Calm down and let nature take its course. After all, you don’t go and sit in the toilet groaning and grunting to get it out when your body clearly doesn’t need you to poop yet. In the same vein, until your body is ready for love, you can “God when?” from now until tomorrow and guess what will happen? N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

4. You’re Not Realistic

For some girls, if the guys cannot breathe underwater, work five jobs while still having time for her, fly and be able to lift 1500 times his own weight, he isn’t good enough. For some guys, if the girl cannot cook seven meals at a time without burning any, call him three times a day and stay up all night for seven nights straight thinking about him, she isn’t good enough.

This isn’t literal but you understand what I mean. Don’t set your standards too high. The only One that is perfect can’t have the type of relationship you want. He doesn’t have to be six feet tall with enough abs to crush a rock, she doesn’t have to have the curves of all those girls you see on Instagram, he doesn’t need to have the intense smoulder of that vampire guy you saw in a movie and she doesn’t need to be able to make the whole of Canada laugh. Everyone is flawed. The key is to complement each other’s flaws.

5. It’s not you, it’s them

This is probably the only one you’ll agree with even if it’s not applicable to you but nonetheless, I’ll mention it. Sometimes, the person you’re dying for isn’t always the one for you. You could try to fix it or sort it out but more often than not, you can’t erase over 18 years of values and norms from a person and it just can’t work. This is even more so when you consider the fact that just as I said earlier, you have to let nature take its course. It doesn’t just apply you but to them too.

6. You said no to Irewole

But wait first, when you were saying no to him, you hadn’t seen his picture? Or you were thinking you aren’t ready for a relationship? Or is it that you were too tired to process the information? What if he was meant to be your soulmate? Ehn? Tell me

I’m asking because from this standpoint there are 2349033587430 reasons you should text Irewole and shoot your shot but you’re still there, waiting for something to happen. Shior!


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Conclusion

Love and anything to do with emotions are illogical. There is no rhyme or rhythm or math to it. The body does what it wants and the heart wants what it wants. As much as you want to, you cannot control it. As such, calm down. Even after reading this article, don’t pressure yourself. You’ll be fine.

Lest I forget…

  • Did you enjoy the article?
  • Are you in a relationship? If so, why are you here biko?
  • How and why did your last relationship end?
  • Why did you reject the last person you rejected?
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Prof
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Prof

This guyy is absolutely crazy absolutely crazy 😂😂😂😂😂 you said no to IREWOLE. And that African parent mentality though 😂😂😂.

Omo get inside
Guest

Irewole, delete that stupid first comment Biko and this one too. This is not my real face in case my soulmate is reading this 😂😂

Omo get inside
Guest

How can I like this article a million times?
Why am I still single nitori olorun? I know I have a lot to offer. Hmm I don’t get out much but that narrative is changing already. I don’t try too hard or have unrealistic expectations. I DIDN’T freaking say no to Irewole. So it’s Irewole, not me. 😂

anyways, when it happens, it happens jare. Local girl cannot can.

Omo get inside
Guest

How can I like this article a million times?
Why am I still single? I don’t have any freaking idea

Akachi
Guest
Akachi

Hiiiii, I liiikeeeddd iiittt!! Lol no I’m not in a relationship, chill.
My last relationship ended because he said his best friend begged him to go out with her and he couldn’t say no (who is foolish here biko)🤣🤣🤣🤣
I rejected the last person because I’ve been trying to improve myself, Soo whatever I’ll expect from someone I’m in a relationship with, I’ll like to also have it, you get. I’m not ready
Btw, someone rejected you?!!?!😨 With all your work and charm

Akachi
Guest
Akachi

Wit*

Adebolu Mayowa
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Adebolu Mayowa

This is really interesting, I have left the single life though used

Lola
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Lola

I’m sorry but I can’t relate😂😂… Your memes are nice though and please be serious like me and get a bae😍

Ayanpella
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Ayanpella

How’d we Irewole? let’s talk about getting you a girlfriend 😊

Sharriff
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Sharriff

Spot on! Apart from the first and last point every other thing paints me

Rangiv
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Rangiv

It’s not me it’s them.✌🏾

Rangiv
Guest
Rangiv

Well, it’s not me, it’s them..✌🏾

Oriola Odutoye
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Oriola Odutoye

Ire that number 6 though 😂

Osho Pelumi
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Osho Pelumi

OK so the picture 😍😍😍 the article was really nice😄😄. I think there’s one more reason why some people are single.

Adamboomin
Guest
Adamboomin

👏👏

Dara
Guest
Dara

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Oml it’s so funny and sad at the same time

Omori
Guest
Omori

Your memes are crazy

Nita
Guest
Nita

I love today’s post 😁😁
But you broke our table 😢😂💔

Nita
Guest
Nita

Ire soulmate ko
Ire damatol ni 🙄🌝

Isabel
Guest
Isabel

6. Of all pictures? You’re not even close to attractive… Well at least not in that picture. I’m actually proud of you for this post.

Now tell me, why are you single?

Munah_jay
Guest
Munah_jay

Now this is a nice post, I really love it. Ehn ehn, Ire you ain’t fine ohh… So don’t deceive yourself.

Adéṣẹwà
Guest

I’m in the library and I’m trying not to burst into laughter 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Lola
Guest
Lola

I miss you bro😪

Ayomide
Guest
Ayomide

It’s a something I can relate to. What if the person I like don’t like me?

LekeDavid
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LekeDavid

Lol you’re good at this bro

Shadow
Guest

😂😂😂. You are something else my friend. Number 6 issa masterstroke.

Ariyo Akinola
Guest
Ariyo Akinola

You’re such a talented guy.. 🙌

Faith
Guest
Faith

I really enjoyed this article. Thank God I took the cue not to wait for any link…
I’m also saying God when cause I have no plans of leaving my bed on Saturdays.
I rejected the last person I rejected because I had not seen this last picture.
Haq Haq Haq
Okay, bye.

The Skinny Ninja
Guest
The Skinny Ninja

Okay the laziness thing is actually true, I feel attacked 💀