African Parenting

Having sat down in front of my laptop for over ten minutes now with the cursor blinking ever so mockingly at me and reminding me that I have nothing to write as my introductory paragraph, I have decided to wing it and just write whatever the heck comes to mind. In a semi related note,

Oh look, a mosquito.

The topic above is pretty self-explanatory (I hope) and I’m sure you know that I’ll probably be talking about some controversial “stuff” on here today. I can assure you with a clear conscience that I am not lying when I say that this entire topic was not formed from some random tweet I saw online. I’m not that cheap.

I don’t even know how this got here.

Anyway, as I’m sure you already realized, I totally flopped my introductory paragraphs. As such, I’ll be delving right into the topic for this week.

Contrary to what you probably think, I won’t exactly be attacking our black, amazing parents. Although, there are a couple of things that I’m sure you agree with me should be different about the way we were raised, I’m not here to crucify. Instead, I’ll give advice?

I am still very confused and this writer’s block is not helping.

Whether or not you like to admit it, there have definitely been times that your parent(s) did something to you that you were not entirely comfortable with. Yes, yes, we are kids and we won’t understand until we’re older but we’re not all stupid. At least that’s what I think. I can’t speak for you but I do know that for myself, there have been times when I honestly thought to myself that “Naa, I won’t make this same mistake with my kids.” To be honest, I know parenting is hard and I do know that I’ll probably flop on all the things I’m about to mention but here are a couple of things that most African parents do that I would not make the mistake of doing and that I hope you will learn from as well:

1. Making Fear the Sole Means of Motivation

I tried searching for something a little less dark but I’m a DC fan so…

In the case of children, I guess this is acceptable? I don’t see how I can convince a five year old that sitting too close to the television for too long might cause his eyes to deal strenuously with the strain of having to absorb excess light into it which might cause him to have to spend the rest of his life wearing glasses and even possibly lead to more complications so I’ll just tell him to move back a little otherwise, I’ll beat him.

Fear as motivation might make sense when dealing with kids who don’t have the ability to grasp what you’re trying to tell them but using it all the time regardless of the age just makes you an iron fist ruler so to speak. Instead, I’d make my kids understand the moral and physical implications of their actions. “Stealing isn’t wrong because I will punish you if you do. Stealing is wrong because it robs people of their hard earned possessions and you wouldn’t want it done to you either.

See Also: Things I Probably Shouldn’t Have Done

2. Becoming a Dictator

I can’t be the only one who thinks Adolf Hitler might’ve been constipated in this picture.

Apart from your biological parents, another set of people who play an important role in bringing you up is your teachers at school. Back then when I was still a secondary school student, teachers would often beat students for the littlest things. Like not turning in assignments early or not ruling margins. They never really told us why we had to do those things they were beating us for. They just told us we had to do it and enforced those rules.

While I was able to understand that you need to submit assignments early in order to be awarded appropriate marks to help build your grades, not everyone would have gotten it and to an extent, it is the fault of upbringing. We were made to think that we just had to do these things. Not because it’s right or because it would help us but because they wanted us to and when we eventually “gained freedom from them” we stopped. Like slaves set free of their shackles, we saw no need to follow those rules anymore.

Coercing kids to do something and withholding the reason from them might not exactly be the best idea because when they leave you, they just might not see the reason for it any longer.

3. Being Just A Parent

Far too many times, the father just provides money and disappears like a cheap Charlie Chaplin trick. Far too many times, the mother cooks (or whatever else) and just becomes unavailable to the kids and hides under the canopy of “I’m stressed”. This shouldn’t always be the case. When you do have kids, you shouldn’t just be a parent, be a friend as well.

Let your kids know that they can talk to you. Let them know that you can be trusted. It’s not every time they come to you that you’ll pull up that distant unapproachable façade. Be someone they can trust.


Subscribe. It's good for you.

Conclusion

Unlike most of my other articles, I’m sincerely not sure whether or not this makes sense. This is one of the worst cases of writer’s block I have had in a while but I certainly do hope you get my point.

I am well aware that you do not have kids yet and might not even have for another number of years but still, it would do no harm to keep these pieces of information in your heart. You aren’t entirely happy with everything your parents did. Do not repeat those same flaws with your kids. Be the change that you want to see.

I gotta ask;

  • Did you enjoy the article? I feel it was too serious.
  • Are you a hundred percent comfortable with how you were raised?
  • What did your parents ever do to you that you feel you wouldn’t want to do with your kids.
Follow/like:

You may also like

60
Leave a Reply

avatar
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Latifat
Guest
Latifat

I just had to come back and read this…lol
Only if there was a way parents could see this

Latifat
Guest
Latifat

If only*

RestingBitchFace
Guest
RestingBitchFace

Finally reading this!!! Sorry it took so long, it got lost in my 47 tabs. My parents problem (till now) is not knowing when to say I’m sorry and not realizing that sometimes when I speak, I don’t need a judge and jury just a listening and sympathetic ear.

Tolani
Guest
Tolani

You dare not correct African parents…
You gon’ hear “sho bami laye ni?” (Hey, do not forget I gave birth to you and as such I came to the world before you)

Nice write Irewole

Akachi
Guest
Akachi

Heyyy, this is so relatable!! before, I usually see other people’s parents being all nice and I’m like whyyy. But now I’ve actually gotten to understand that they’re trying to love you ( Note trying to) because that’s the way they know how, that’s the way they where taught . I get along better with my parents now because I guess I just let them be human, when we where younger we tend to idolize them and expect them to have no fallings. Of course I will not do some things they did with my children, but I will surelly… Read more »

Angelica
Guest
Angelica

I personally grew up in a home where flogging was a norm, maybe cause we were stubborn or cos it just had to be that way 🌋

_pheyii
Guest
_pheyii

Not exactly 100% comfortable though they are most amazing set of people in my life ATM ❤️
As a mother to be in the nearest future, the aim is to look into the psychological and emotional well-being of my kids. I’ve grown to realize that whenever you’re down, African parents believe you’re either hungry or sick. Sighs
BTW this article relatable irewole! Good job darling💜

Latifat
Guest
Latifat

When I was younger, I used to hate my parents, I won’t lie. But later when I started to think about it, they had no idea what they did. They were just trying their best to be good parents. I feel like parenting isn’t easy. Although their way of parenting was harsh, it isn’t totally their fault. Like Philip Larkin said, “They fuck you up, your mum and dad. / They don’t mean to, but they do.”

Vickie
Guest
Vickie

Nice work Ire boo

Isabel
Guest
Isabel

“…. the father just provides money and disappears like a cheap Charlie Chaplin trick”😂😂😂😂

Prof
Guest
Prof

During the wait for admission in 2017, I didn’t make the merit list for my course of choice in unilag. So there was a day I really can’t remember what happened or what I did and my dad was like. That’s why your mates have admission and you’re still at home expecting miracle I was so pained as in very pained not that I’m being narcissistic but I can count more than a 100 people in my school who wouldn’t mind having my score in jamb. But no my dad as at then thinks I’m a dummy head who upon… Read more »

Neehmah
Guest
Neehmah

Gud write, like u said some people’s mind, i something dnt understand flog me Frm somethings.parents Shuld b understanding

Essy Dike
Guest
Essy Dike

You forgot to mention the insults that can make you rethink if your parents were truly yours

Nice article dear…. parents need to see this tho

Israel Omotoso
Guest
Israel Omotoso

Delighted that young people have read this and will still read it. As a parent, I confirm all that the writer has said. There are a number of ways to train a child. Look for the way that best suits the child and get the best out of him or her. But resist the temptation to become a striker in the house. If you want to be a striker, let the football pitch be your home.

Brownie_vocal
Guest

See that thing about force, it made me wonder if my mom was really my mom or if I was adopted when I was growing up. LMAO. But now I’m older and she and I relate like sisters and it’s amazing.

Lola
Guest
Lola

You’re by far too talented… The way I’m picturing you in my head in the nearest future ehn… I love you dear,keep doing what you do best

Kobbe
Guest
Kobbe

My thoughts exactly. You nailed it, man.

Ayanpella
Guest
Ayanpella

You couldn’t have said it better. Inasmuch as our parents love us, they should learn to be understanding. Not all things can be done their way and trying to convince them of that can be hectic, trust me.